Depression

If you guys see me smiling around school, chances are I'm just acting.

I feel like crap. I feel worthless. I feel that I shouldn't keep going. It would be so easy to just disappear and leave everyone alone. I just feel so hurt. So . . . I don't know. Ugh. I guess it's just one of those moments. And I know that after I cry a lot I will get over it.
I have so many feelings just bottled up inside me and I am really ready to burst. It's so hard to just control myself and not cry in the middle of class.
I don't even understand why I feel this way.

And on top of all these emotions and whatnot I have a bunch of homework and responsibilities! People say being a senior is easy but I truly don't think so! Or maybe it's just me doing too fucking much! I don't need all this! For real! But quitting now will all be just a waste of time and effort!

I'm glad I will be graduating with 62 high school credits and with an Academic Honors Diploma but it's so hard!

Right now I am even considering whether or not I should do the musical! I really want to because it will be my last musical! And I want to be there when the seniors say good-bye! With me being one of them! Ugh. I hate this!

I'm going to take a shower and going to cry in there. My excuse for red eyes: soap got in my eyes.

Emotionally Overwhelmed

I found out today how a fellow journalist feels about me being the Editor-in-Chief of The Cannon. She didn't directly tell me I didn't deserve the spot but that is really what she meant. It's not really something I care about; I mean her opinion, not the post. But it kind of hurts, realizing that someone doesn't like you for a small thing. Whatever.

I confessed my love for someone today. It went better than I thought. At least he promised we'd still be friends and he told me he loved me too. As a brother.
Time to let go and move on. It is not easy but it has to be done.

Ummm. Mr. Armbruster called me Friday afternoon that I was being nominated for the National Honor Society and told me to pick up my papers Monday. I forgot about it on Monday so I went today. I went twice but both times he wasn't there. The deadline is this Friday so I'm a little concerned. I hope I can see him tomorrow morning!

Right now I am also trying to get ready for a Japanese competition in Richmond. This will be on February 28th. It's a Saturday and it will probably be a bit before noon or something so we will have to leave early. Ugh. Otherwise I am fine. But I still need to study some more Japanese.

Speaking of Japanese, I got a 10 on my last test! Weee!

If you read this, you are invited to my birthday party on Jan 24th. 1336 N. Olney St. We don't know the time yet!

First Post Of The Year, Anyone?

So I finally got my computer fixed but that meant deleting all my files and whatnot. That part sucks, but otherwise I don't think I'll go to my old habits. If you don't know what I mean, ask me and I might tell you.

There is so much to say that I don't even know where to start.

Oooh! My birthday party will be January 24th at my house. It won't be in my house, it will be in the garage which will be nicer and is much bigger to occupy. I don't know if I should expect presents or not. I kind of do, but then it doesn't really matter.

Hmmm. Journalism. Ms. Jesse kicked some people out. Three of those people were part of my four-person team for my yearbook section. So now I am pretty much stuck with just one girl and me doing my section and me editing the pages. It's too much. I really shouldn't have done it, but then again, no one else wanted to.

Today I went to McDonalds to see if I could get a job again. The owner told my brother and me that he has to talk to some managers about our previous experience before he decides. I think we have great chances of getting the job. I just really need the money!
But then again, musical is about to start... I'm thinking my parents will have me choose between either.

Oh. I need a boyfriend. At least for these last months. Someone close to me. I should make applications. -sigh-