If you guys see me smiling around school, chances are I'm just acting.
I feel like crap. I feel worthless. I feel that I shouldn't keep going. It would be so easy to just disappear and leave everyone alone. I just feel so hurt. So . . . I don't know. Ugh. I guess it's just one of those moments. And I know that after I cry a lot I will get over it.
I have so many feelings just bottled up inside me and I am really ready to burst. It's so hard to just control myself and not cry in the middle of class.
I don't even understand why I feel this way.
And on top of all these emotions and whatnot I have a bunch of homework and responsibilities! People say being a senior is easy but I truly don't think so! Or maybe it's just me doing too fucking much! I don't need all this! For real! But quitting now will all be just a waste of time and effort!
I'm glad I will be graduating with 62 high school credits and with an Academic Honors Diploma but it's so hard!
Right now I am even considering whether or not I should do the musical! I really want to because it will be my last musical! And I want to be there when the seniors say good-bye! With me being one of them! Ugh. I hate this!
I'm going to take a shower and going to cry in there. My excuse for red eyes: soap got in my eyes.
Wednesday, January 14
Tuesday, January 13
Emotionally Overwhelmed
I found out today how a fellow journalist feels about me being the Editor-in-Chief of The Cannon. She didn't directly tell me I didn't deserve the spot but that is really what she meant. It's not really something I care about; I mean her opinion, not the post. But it kind of hurts, realizing that someone doesn't like you for a small thing. Whatever.
I confessed my love for someone today. It went better than I thought. At least he promised we'd still be friends and he told me he loved me too. As a brother.
Time to let go and move on. It is not easy but it has to be done.
Ummm. Mr. Armbruster called me Friday afternoon that I was being nominated for the National Honor Society and told me to pick up my papers Monday. I forgot about it on Monday so I went today. I went twice but both times he wasn't there. The deadline is this Friday so I'm a little concerned. I hope I can see him tomorrow morning!
Right now I am also trying to get ready for a Japanese competition in Richmond. This will be on February 28th. It's a Saturday and it will probably be a bit before noon or something so we will have to leave early. Ugh. Otherwise I am fine. But I still need to study some more Japanese.
Speaking of Japanese, I got a 10 on my last test! Weee!
If you read this, you are invited to my birthday party on Jan 24th. 1336 N. Olney St. We don't know the time yet!
I confessed my love for someone today. It went better than I thought. At least he promised we'd still be friends and he told me he loved me too. As a brother.
Time to let go and move on. It is not easy but it has to be done.
Ummm. Mr. Armbruster called me Friday afternoon that I was being nominated for the National Honor Society and told me to pick up my papers Monday. I forgot about it on Monday so I went today. I went twice but both times he wasn't there. The deadline is this Friday so I'm a little concerned. I hope I can see him tomorrow morning!
Right now I am also trying to get ready for a Japanese competition in Richmond. This will be on February 28th. It's a Saturday and it will probably be a bit before noon or something so we will have to leave early. Ugh. Otherwise I am fine. But I still need to study some more Japanese.
Speaking of Japanese, I got a 10 on my last test! Weee!
If you read this, you are invited to my birthday party on Jan 24th. 1336 N. Olney St. We don't know the time yet!
Monday, January 12
First Post Of The Year, Anyone?
So I finally got my computer fixed but that meant deleting all my files and whatnot. That part sucks, but otherwise I don't think I'll go to my old habits. If you don't know what I mean, ask me and I might tell you.
There is so much to say that I don't even know where to start.
Oooh! My birthday party will be January 24th at my house. It won't be in my house, it will be in the garage which will be nicer and is much bigger to occupy. I don't know if I should expect presents or not. I kind of do, but then it doesn't really matter.
Hmmm. Journalism. Ms. Jesse kicked some people out. Three of those people were part of my four-person team for my yearbook section. So now I am pretty much stuck with just one girl and me doing my section and me editing the pages. It's too much. I really shouldn't have done it, but then again, no one else wanted to.
Today I went to McDonalds to see if I could get a job again. The owner told my brother and me that he has to talk to some managers about our previous experience before he decides. I think we have great chances of getting the job. I just really need the money!
But then again, musical is about to start... I'm thinking my parents will have me choose between either.
Oh. I need a boyfriend. At least for these last months. Someone close to me. I should make applications. -sigh-
There is so much to say that I don't even know where to start.
Oooh! My birthday party will be January 24th at my house. It won't be in my house, it will be in the garage which will be nicer and is much bigger to occupy. I don't know if I should expect presents or not. I kind of do, but then it doesn't really matter.
Hmmm. Journalism. Ms. Jesse kicked some people out. Three of those people were part of my four-person team for my yearbook section. So now I am pretty much stuck with just one girl and me doing my section and me editing the pages. It's too much. I really shouldn't have done it, but then again, no one else wanted to.
Today I went to McDonalds to see if I could get a job again. The owner told my brother and me that he has to talk to some managers about our previous experience before he decides. I think we have great chances of getting the job. I just really need the money!
But then again, musical is about to start... I'm thinking my parents will have me choose between either.
Oh. I need a boyfriend. At least for these last months. Someone close to me. I should make applications. -sigh-
Sunday, December 21
I'm a Sinner!
I stole an $8 bracelet from Wal-Mart ehl-oh-ehl. It was exciting. It's cool-looking too, teehee. And OMG! I swear it was like gay night at Wal-Mart because I saw some really fruity ones out there! There was this gorgeous white guy with a nice tan and green eyes. I followed him around a bit then stopped, teehee. He was cute. I was going to buy more scrapbooking pages but forgot about it.
I went to church and it was okay. Jose texted me and told me that he was coming to church with us next week. For sure. At least that's what he said.
Today was super cold. And we still went out and shopped. It sucked getting out of the car every time! The wind was just too much! But oh well, we got over it and bought some household necessities.
I decay what else to talk about so I'm going to finish off by saying that I finally wrote the letter to my teacher in Mexico. I hope the Spanish is not too bad but then again my mom read it and said it was fine. I'm sending along a picture of me in my Technician outfit. I explained why I was wearing such garment as well. I hope she's proud of me!
I went to church and it was okay. Jose texted me and told me that he was coming to church with us next week. For sure. At least that's what he said.
Today was super cold. And we still went out and shopped. It sucked getting out of the car every time! The wind was just too much! But oh well, we got over it and bought some household necessities.
I decay what else to talk about so I'm going to finish off by saying that I finally wrote the letter to my teacher in Mexico. I hope the Spanish is not too bad but then again my mom read it and said it was fine. I'm sending along a picture of me in my Technician outfit. I explained why I was wearing such garment as well. I hope she's proud of me!
Saturday, December 20
It's Pretty Much Three In Dee Ay Ehms...
I had some people over. Since eight. They're still here. I don't mind much, except that tomorrow is church day and I don't think I might end up going. I think I want to go because Jose might be finally coming along though.
I finally changed my layout! Yes! It's pretty, I think ^^
Oh yeah. I was going to talk about the Technicians's Christmas Party. I loved it. I had lots of fun. I was kind of sad that some people weren't able to go or couldn't show up. At first I thought I wasn't going to cry because Ms. H's letter/speech wasn't really sad or emotional. But then we all started singing Christmas Wish and I lost it. I hate crying in front of people because I fear they think I'm doing it for attention. I'm not though. I just want to cry. Then I found out something even worse after I had left, and cried some more. I love my friends. Technicians are awesome. I gave Ms. H a big hug and said Thanks. She brought up the first time we met. I felt special because she still remembered! I was in Beginning Choir!
That night I played a lot of DDR! I even held hands with Tesia while playing it! That was fun. It wasn't too hard but then again it was kind of crazy. And then she'd give me a kiss every time we finished a song.
Oooh! My mommy made ponche de fruta, or fruit punch, for me to take and share. Some people loved it. Some not that much. I was glad that Emily Green liked it. She loved it. And she was one of the few who gave me a hug and kissed me goodbye before leaving. I love her. She's so nice.
Other people's happiness mean a lot to me. If someone is sad, then I am sad. I don't know why.
Thursday night was our last Christmas show. Some seniors cried a lot. I turned away as soon as we had finished Christmas Wish because I thought I was going to be the only one crying and that people were going to laugh at me. Then I saw April and Jesi almost next to me also crying. We all hugged and cried together. Then some more people came along and hugged us. I gave Jose a big special hug.
Today, well yesterday, Saturday, I texted Johnie a lot! He texted me first, after having gone like an entire week without talking. He surprised me. Then he got a little tipsy around 9/10ish and started asking weird questions that you might now want to know about.
Oooh! We also bought a new DDR pad for a future DDR party. ^^ When? "I decay"
OMG! April got into Butler! That was the school she wanted to go to as well! Go April!
I finally changed my layout! Yes! It's pretty, I think ^^
Oh yeah. I was going to talk about the Technicians's Christmas Party. I loved it. I had lots of fun. I was kind of sad that some people weren't able to go or couldn't show up. At first I thought I wasn't going to cry because Ms. H's letter/speech wasn't really sad or emotional. But then we all started singing Christmas Wish and I lost it. I hate crying in front of people because I fear they think I'm doing it for attention. I'm not though. I just want to cry. Then I found out something even worse after I had left, and cried some more. I love my friends. Technicians are awesome. I gave Ms. H a big hug and said Thanks. She brought up the first time we met. I felt special because she still remembered! I was in Beginning Choir!
That night I played a lot of DDR! I even held hands with Tesia while playing it! That was fun. It wasn't too hard but then again it was kind of crazy. And then she'd give me a kiss every time we finished a song.
Oooh! My mommy made ponche de fruta, or fruit punch, for me to take and share. Some people loved it. Some not that much. I was glad that Emily Green liked it. She loved it. And she was one of the few who gave me a hug and kissed me goodbye before leaving. I love her. She's so nice.
Other people's happiness mean a lot to me. If someone is sad, then I am sad. I don't know why.
Thursday night was our last Christmas show. Some seniors cried a lot. I turned away as soon as we had finished Christmas Wish because I thought I was going to be the only one crying and that people were going to laugh at me. Then I saw April and Jesi almost next to me also crying. We all hugged and cried together. Then some more people came along and hugged us. I gave Jose a big special hug.
Today, well yesterday, Saturday, I texted Johnie a lot! He texted me first, after having gone like an entire week without talking. He surprised me. Then he got a little tipsy around 9/10ish and started asking weird questions that you might now want to know about.
Oooh! We also bought a new DDR pad for a future DDR party. ^^ When? "I decay"
OMG! April got into Butler! That was the school she wanted to go to as well! Go April!
Thursday, December 18
Last Day of School
Today is the last day of school! For this semester, at least! I still have one more final to take though, but oh well.
Oooh! I got the highest score in my English final! Actually, three different Mexicans got the highest scores in all three classes. My teacher said that it was "a big day for Mexico."
Tuesday night was the Winter Wonderland concert. It was pretty awesome, if you take Gospel Choir out. s2yt52r4e3fdstfewnhtnhwbqgvjhwebvggtfhvyfikmhubytvf huizer <----- Tesia "typed" that. It's a code for something, or so I think. I think it says something about Angelina Huizer. Hmmm, a possible murder.
Last night we had a show at the mall! The Artsgarden, to be exact. We didn't really have an audience. Isaac and April got the pins. Some of us stayed after the show to go around and have fun.
"Sarcasm!" Ms. Jesse sang just now. It was chotto kawaii! ^.^v Angie, not Angelina (same person anyway!), put the nose in my Japanese peace-sign face. Tesia, Angie, and I really think that this entry is uber ADfuckingD. Right?
Angie doesn't say effing, though, because she doesn't believe in cursing in blogs -sigh- Silly children these days.
Oooh! The Cannon is out! It's awesome-looking! And it tastes pretty good too!
People fighting are funny. Vampire-wannabes. Haha. Punch!
DDR is effing awesome too! Some Technicians stayed after the show.
Angie just told me that she saw a license plate that said DDR. And she told me she had forgotten to tell me. What a friend.
Ouch. She just punched me and told me "Imma cut-choo"
People are laughing and talking about me. In front of me. People like Tesia C. West Rodriguez Dominguez Salamanca Solano Zapata de la Villa Cruz. Heffa. She's silly.
Oooh~ I've been accepted to IUB! I also got my UofI admission letter! I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but reinstating it wouldn't hurt.
Last night, after school, we had a pizza party for the newspaper/yearbook. It was okay, I guess.
"To be continued..."
Oooh! I got the highest score in my English final! Actually, three different Mexicans got the highest scores in all three classes. My teacher said that it was "a big day for Mexico."
Tuesday night was the Winter Wonderland concert. It was pretty awesome, if you take Gospel Choir out. s2yt52r4e3fdstfewnhtnhwbqgvjhwebvggtfhvyfikmhubytvf huizer <----- Tesia "typed" that. It's a code for something, or so I think. I think it says something about Angelina Huizer. Hmmm, a possible murder.
Last night we had a show at the mall! The Artsgarden, to be exact. We didn't really have an audience. Isaac and April got the pins. Some of us stayed after the show to go around and have fun.
"Sarcasm!" Ms. Jesse sang just now. It was chotto kawaii! ^.^v Angie, not Angelina (same person anyway!), put the nose in my Japanese peace-sign face. Tesia, Angie, and I really think that this entry is uber ADfuckingD. Right?
Angie doesn't say effing, though, because she doesn't believe in cursing in blogs -sigh- Silly children these days.
Oooh! The Cannon is out! It's awesome-looking! And it tastes pretty good too!
People fighting are funny. Vampire-wannabes. Haha. Punch!
DDR is effing awesome too! Some Technicians stayed after the show.
Angie just told me that she saw a license plate that said DDR. And she told me she had forgotten to tell me. What a friend.
Ouch. She just punched me and told me "Imma cut-choo"
People are laughing and talking about me. In front of me. People like Tesia C. West Rodriguez Dominguez Salamanca Solano Zapata de la Villa Cruz. Heffa. She's silly.
Oooh~ I've been accepted to IUB! I also got my UofI admission letter! I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but reinstating it wouldn't hurt.
Last night, after school, we had a pizza party for the newspaper/yearbook. It was okay, I guess.
"To be continued..."
Monday, December 15
Tired As Eff!
Tonight I was on double-slave-duty. I was serving and taking pictures for the yearbook. I got to be "invisible" by wearing an all-black outfit and taking pictures of the Madrigal. It was really fun and I felt special because I was able to, ummm, interrupt. But I was also serving, and for this I had to have my costume on. Yeah, I lost count of how many times I hurried into the kitchen and changed as fast as I could. The Chef and cooks were just admiring my ability to do both things at once. "Here he comes again!" They said. It was funny. I thought I deserved some dessert and food, but I didn't get any. Oh well.
I also let Angel borrow my shirt today since he pretty much got his all dirty. I thought I was only going to be serving the Top Table with all the Tech people but I ended up helping as well. I just hope people didn't notice it much.
I think I forgot to mention on this morning's entry that there was a mistletoe hanging from Ms. H's office's doorway. Audrey took my hand and took me under. We gave each other cheek kisses. That was so 'kawaii!' ^^
Then I think Jose saw that too so he also grabbed my hand and said "Come on Erick, let's go" and laughed and I laughed. Then I think I kinda shook him off. Haha, oh well. Some other time. Privately. Haha.
OMG! Tesia looked so cute in her little Jester costume! I wanted it! I also think I got some cute pictures of Tesia just dancing around being, a clown(?).
I think I have three finals tomorrow. So I should probably head to the shower and then bed.
I also let Angel borrow my shirt today since he pretty much got his all dirty. I thought I was only going to be serving the Top Table with all the Tech people but I ended up helping as well. I just hope people didn't notice it much.
I think I forgot to mention on this morning's entry that there was a mistletoe hanging from Ms. H's office's doorway. Audrey took my hand and took me under. We gave each other cheek kisses. That was so 'kawaii!' ^^
Then I think Jose saw that too so he also grabbed my hand and said "Come on Erick, let's go" and laughed and I laughed. Then I think I kinda shook him off. Haha, oh well. Some other time. Privately. Haha.
OMG! Tesia looked so cute in her little Jester costume! I wanted it! I also think I got some cute pictures of Tesia just dancing around being, a clown(?).
I think I have three finals tomorrow. So I should probably head to the shower and then bed.
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